When Cartus President & CEO Matt Tebbe was recently asked to share a key takeaway from his expat experience, he said that “cultural differences should never be underestimated.” Matt explained that he had relocated with a previous employer from the US to Australia without the benefit of cultural coaching, but that in hindsight, this would have been immensely valuable to him and his family. “Adaptation in a new environment goes far beyond sharing a common language,” he emphasized, “which is why Cartus solutions in the intercultural and language space are a key differentiator for the value we bring to the market, our clients, and their global talent.”
We know that cultural support is essential for success on an international assignment, especially to ease the initial transition and cultural adjustment of the first year or two. As a native New Yorker who has lived in London, UK, for the past 17 years, I have also learned that an evolving cultural awareness is essential throughout the time abroad for understanding how the culture gap is impacting the course of your life, your relationships, and the person you are becoming.
In 2006, I moved to London with an idealized view of UK culture. As a self-diagnosed introvert, I thought I would be happier in a culture known for “negative politeness”—that is, a social etiquette that promotes personal space and autonomy by minimizing interaction.1
A cultural coach would have uncovered the fragility of that generalization. But although I was embarking on a long-term relocation, similar to a permanent transfer or a localization, my move resembled Matt’s in that I did not have access to a cultural coach or cultural support as transferees often have. Furthermore, the language and history shared between the US and the UK tricked me into thinking that I didn’t need it.
This is a common but unfortunate misconception. First, it is debatable whether the US and UK have really “shared” a language since the 1600s when English colonists first settled in North America.2 Since then, the English language has evolved in different directions on either side of the Atlantic. Linguist Geoff Nunberg refers to English as “a divided language,” ultimately concluding that “we (US and UK nationals) basically, all expect to understand each other, which is why we find it so curious to realize that sometimes we don’t.”3
Lurking behind this misplaced expectation is the culture gap. Researcher Elena Gómez Parra writes that “the more implicit aspects of culture”—i.e. values, beliefs, and thought patterns—should be studied “especially among speakers of the same language because they tend to take for granted that they do not exist.”4 Hall and Weaver’s “iceberg” model of culture illustrates this well: obvious cultural differences (e.g. language and customs) make up the tip of the iceberg, while the submerged part is made of subconscious thought patterns, values, and beliefs.5 The top of the British-American cultural iceberg is barely visible over the water due to our “shared” language and history. But the submerged part of this cultural iceberg is actually huge, making it easy to crash into when crossing the Atlantic—like a cultural Titanic.
One way cultural coaching helps us steer clear of the iceberg is by challenging stereotypes. And as I learned the hard way, stereotypes can be misapplied in two directions. Just as I had come to London to escape from some US social norms, I found that my UK acquaintances often looked to me, the American, hoping to find those very “US” traits: Enthusiasm. Optimism. Friendliness. Pep. Sometimes, being the only US national in a British office felt like coming to work in a cheerleading outfit!
It wasn’t hurtful, just funny and perplexing, so I rolled with it. And as time went on, I found myself actually manifesting these qualities—and even embracing them. Now, 17 years later, I’m proud of my can-do attitude, outgoing disposition, and unfailing optimism. But what would my personality be like today if I had remained in New York, as that introverted non-conformist I used to be before wanderlust made me an unofficial ambassador of the USA? Or what if, as an expat in London, I had dedicated cultural support to explore the reasons why my colleagues might perceive me this way, and determine my choices of how to respond? What if, instead of just being amused and perplexed, and fumbling through situations by trial and error, I had coaching to help me understand what was really happening, and make conscious decisions about how to act?
Cultural coaching at the start of my move, and ideally throughout my time here, would have given me the opportunity to explore my own personality in relation to commonly shared US values—gaining critical self-awareness and empowering me to stay more rooted in my authentic self on the inside, while also successfully adapting to my new cultural environment on the outside.
Ongoing cultural coaching could have also helped me understand how the social and political climate was impacting my self-image. In the time I’ve been in London, the UK population’s confidence in US leadership has swung from 79% at the highest, to 12% at the lowest.6 I’ve never felt personally judged in the UK based on my country’s politics. Still, the British view of US affairs does impact how comfortable or uncomfortable I feel being an American in the UK at any given moment. My own views also have a role. In New York, US culture is a backdrop I stand out against, as an individual. But here in the UK, my nationality is one of the first things people notice about me. So, when I’m in the UK and feeling less comfortable with UK perceptions of the US, I’m less comfortable being me.
Navigating the changes of adulthood while living in another country was always going to be a challenge, but feeling like I was working around the clock as an “unofficial US ambassador to the UK” added a layer of complexity to my twenties and thirties that even years of therapy never really uncovered. I knew I struggled with identity, but up to now I never figured out why. Only recently through cultural coaching have I started to grasp the impact of the British-American culture gap on my personal identity and the way my life has progressed over the past two decades.
After 17 long years filled with patience, resilience, and lots of luck, my approach of “just rolling with it” has mostly worked out well. I’ve stayed happily afloat throughout my transatlantic adventure, and I’m proud of my blended cultural identity. But there have definitely been tricky moments where I felt myself getting “stuck” on that “cultural iceberg”—which could have been avoided with the right intercultural support at every stage. For any international move, understanding the culture gap helps us unpack the cultural reasons behind our experiences and find ways to adapt while still remaining true to ourselves through each phase of the transition.
1. https://www.universalclass.com/articles/business/communication-studies/politeness-theory.htm
2. https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20150715-why-isnt-american-a-language
4. http://sens-public.org/articles/653/
5. https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Weavers-Iceberg-theory-Weaver-1993-p-135_fig1_335877332
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